Realising you’re LGBTQ+ later in life and how LGBTQ+ affirmative therapy can help

Why do some people not realise they are LGBTQ+ until later in life?

Whilst it seems that the world is moving towards becoming a slightly more hospitable place for LGBTQ+ people (at least in parts), it is still the case that we all live in a world that is based on hetero-cis-normativity. A system of hetero-cis-normativity is one in which it is “normal” to be both heterosexual and cisgendered, and people who fall outside of these narrow parameters are pressured (and often forced) to conform to those parameters.

Sometimes the pressure to conform is so strong, and starts at such an early age, that people literally may not know that they are LGBTQ+. Some LGBTQ+ people go many years into adulthood, perhaps living many decades in the gender assigned to them at birth, perhaps having heterosexual relationships, marriages, and children, and much later come to the realisation that they are LGBTQ+. This is because our minds come up with ways to protect us from thoughts and emotions that are too unacceptable for us to hold in our conscious awareness. If we are taught implicitly and explicitly that being LGBTQ+ is “abnormal” then our minds may squash away thoughts and feelings that would let us know that we are different, and hide them in the depths of our psyche, in order to protect us. Even if we are not taught that being LGBTQ+ is “bad” we may exist in a world that is so hetero/cis-centric that we may not even realise there are any other options. For example, a woman who grows up in a culture that does not truly celebrate women’s sexuality and agency may not even realise that the heterosexual sex she’s having isn’t her preference because the culture normalises a world in which lots of women are having average sex, so why would she expect to be any different? Why would she even wonder if perhaps this isn’t the sex for her? If she lives in a world where men are the ones with sexual desires and women are simply the objects of sexual desires, never the people who have sexual desires, then she might not even notice that something might be up. Then add on top a whole load of messaging about how all lesbians look a particular way, and if she doesn’t see herself represented in those figures then it is unlikely to occur to her that she may be different in some way. Then add on top a whole load of implicit and explicit messaging that lesbians are always depressed, mean, and likely to be killed off first in a horror film, and you’ve got a situation in which the idea that she might be queer is unlikely to enter her conscious mind.

How do people eventually realise they are LGBTQ+?

Our minds can’t keep up this coping mechanism of repression forever because it comes at a cost. I believe that deep down we all strive towards our own flourishing, even when we don’t know what this would practically entail. We know that something is up, even if we don’t know what. Hiding knowledge from ourselves is exhausting and denies us the opportunity to process our emotions. These unprocessed emotions build up within us and cause both psychological and physiological issues that are different for everyone, but may include: unexplained illnesses, feeling low, cut-off, anxious, stuck. We cannot selectively repress our emotions. If we are hiding more “negative” thoughts and feelings from ourselves, then we will also be limited in our ability to experience the more positive ones. Over time this protective function of the mind limits our ability to understand ourselves, to connect to others, and to live our lives to the fullest. At some point the mind can no longer repress the thoughts and feelings, and they make themselves known. This can take many different forms. Sometimes it is a slow realisation, perhaps made in a therapist’s consulting room. Sometimes our unconscious impulses break free when we’re drunk. There is even a growing trend for people realising that they are LGBTQ+ because their TikTok algorithm picks up on what they like and delivers them queer content.

Hopefully, when people start to let themselves know that they are LGBTQ+, they will be in an environment where they are safe to share this knowledge with others. Unfortunately this is not a given. It can therefore be helpful to find a location in which you know you are safe to begin exploring what discovering this identity means for you.

What is LGBTQ+ affirmative therapy?

LGBTQ+ affirmative therapy refers to any therapy that does not treat being gay, bi, queer, trans, ace, poly or any other form of GSRD (gender, sexuality, and relationship diversity), as something that is “wrong” that needs to be “fixed” or “explained”. Instead, LGBTQ+ affirmative therapy simply views these identities as a few of the many varied ways in which humanity appears in the world. LGBTQ+ affirmative therapy does not mean that your therapist will tell you whether or not you are LGBTQ+. Instead, your therapist will help you explore your identity, helping you discover your authentic self yourself, if that is what you would like to do in therapy. Obviously, LGBTQ+ people go to therapy for a whole load of reasons other than just exploring their queer identity! Just like cis/het people!

Emotional wellbeing and LGBTQ+ issues

Living as who you truly are is fundamental to a life well lived, and a life absent authenticity is one plagued by suffering. When the conflicts that have been lurking somewhere deep in your mind become known to you, you can gain a sense that you are in control and that you have agency in your own life, rather than feeling pulled around by murky feelings that in some sense feel alien to you. Human beings require authenticity. But we also require acceptance, belonging, and connection for our survival. LGBTQ+ affirmative therapy can help you navigate the challenges of living authentically and finding the acceptance and belonging that all human beings require.

How to find an LGBTQ+ affirmative therapist

Many therapists will write that they are LGBTQ+ affirmative in their profiles, and you can also ask a therapist how they work in advance. Remember: you are trying to find a person who you can begin to trust, so it is absolutely fine to ask them questions in order to find out if you would like to work with them. For example, you might want to ask a therapist if they have undertaken specific training on working with a marginalised group that you identify with. Some therapists choose to also list themselves on LGBTQ+ specific websites, such as Pink Therapy.

If you would like to talk to someone, there are many practitioners at Pimlico Counsellors and Psychotherapists who can provide a confidential, non-judgemental and safe space for you. If you would like to talk to someone immediately you can also contact Switchboard, the national LGBTQ+ support line.

If you are exploring any of the ideas in this article I wish you all the best with your journey. And particularly this month, I wish you a happy pride!


Isabella is a member of Therapists Against Conversion Therapy and Transphobia. You can find out more about her work - or


Understanding Dissociation: Navigating the Depths of Detachment

Understanding Dissociation

Many people experience dissociation and suffer from dissociative symptoms when they become anxious or overwhelmed. This experience could be anything from zoning out when overwhelmed to more extreme feelings of feeling separated from their own body and surroundings, or feeling they have different parts within them.

Symptoms vary among individuals, leading to diagnoses such as depersonalization (feeling detached from oneself), derealization (perceiving surroundings as unreal or blurry), and Dissociative Identity Disorder (this is where the mind splits off feelings or personality traits, characteristics and memories into separate compartments that then develop into unique personality states where one or other state might be dominant at one time. This can create confusion about one’s sense of identity)

1. Dissociation - Accompanying Symptoms

The above symptoms can be accompanied by feelings of being in dream- like state; feelings of surroundings being an intrusion; experiencing amnesia; numbness and depression.

Dissociative disorders can also overlap with other diagnoses such as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

2. Causes of Dissociation

Dissociative symptoms have in all likelihood been developed as a coping mechanism for extreme anxiety or stress that a person has experienced. This may be in as a result of a specific trauma that has occurred or could have been developed as a way of coping with anxiety or stress that was experienced in childhood. Whatever the cause or diagnosis, living with the symptoms of dissociation is a distressing experience.

3.Treatment Options

There are many specific treatments which can help with dissociative symptoms. Talking therapy is the most recommended of these. Often people feel uncomfortable and embarrassed living with symptoms that are difficult to understand and are often misunderstood by others.

Counselling and Psychotherapy can help people to understand what they are experiencing with their symptoms and the possible triggers for dissociation. It is an opportunity to learn how to manage anxiety and so move away from the place of fear. In therapy clients can develop practical ways which work to manage life better on daily basis. This might include grounding exercises which help with symptoms as well as developing life style activities to provide a much needed anchor at times when client are confused and anxious.

It is of course important to engage with a practitioner who makes the individual feel safe, who understands dissociation and has experience working with the symptoms.

4. Specialized Services for Support

Seeking help from specialized services can also be instrumental.

Clinic for Dissociative Studies (, 020 7794 1655) is a dedicated resource providing expertise in dissociative disorders. Additionally,  South London and Maudsley Trauma and Dissociation Service (, 020 3228 2969) offers comprehensive support for trauma-related conditions.


For more information or to book a session, contact Christine at


Mentalization-Based Therapy (MBT)

There is no doubt that it is essential to understand one another to have good social and personal relationships and being able to “think about thinking”, or mentalizing, helps us to do this. When mentalization is compromised, communication issues arise, impacting our connections with others. This article explores Mentalization-Based Therapy (MBT) and its profound impact on improving emotional regulation, effective communication, and fostering positivity.

1. The impact of Mentalization-Based Therapy (MBT) on our lives and people around us

Mentalization-Based Therapy (MBT) plays a pivotal role in emotional regulation, effective communication, and promoting positivity. It centres around mentalizing, which means seeing ourselves from the outside (imagining how others  see us) and seeing others from the inside (imagining what the other person is thinking or feeling).

Mentalizing, or the ability to understand our own and others' mental states, is crucial for navigating relationships. During times of stress, our capacity to mentalize can diminish, leading to a "Mindless" state. MBT focuses on stabilizing the sense of self and managing emotional arousal, preventing overwhelming personal experiences from escalating. By adopting a curious mindset, MBT encourages exploring different perspectives and enhances empathy and compassion.

2. Curiosity and unlocking "Wise Mind"

Curiosity (instead of judgement) is the secret to unlocking the "Wise Mind" within the MBT framework. The mind tells us what we think and feel and why we behave as we are. Practicing mentalizing involves listening with curiosity, exploring various perspectives, and embracing the unknown.  Working with the MBT model, we consider feelings, thoughts, beliefs, desires, and motivations.  This  curious approach expands the "Wise Mind," and as a result, we can have better relationships with ourselves and others.

3. Signs of good and poor mentalizing

Good Mentalizing involves being aware of thoughts, active listening, considering different perspectives, pausing and maintaining a curious stance.

Poor Mentalizing includes certainty about one's and others' minds, making assumptions, ruminating (negative thinking), labelling, blaming, critical words, blowing things out of proportion, jumping to conclusions, focus on failures but never successes, not taking responsibility for our actions.

4. Balancing mentalizing poles

To achieve effective Mentalizing,  we need a better balance in four Mentalizing Poles.

  1.  Cognition/Emotion (more logical mind vs impulsivity )

  2.   Self /Others (limited capacity to perceive other people's states of mind and feelings vs focusing on other people's minds and emotions, neglecting ourselves)
  3.  Controlled/Automatic (a requirement for attention, effort and awareness vs lack of attention and reflection )
  4.  Internal /External (reflecting on other people's inner experiences vs making assumptions based on external things)


5. Conclusion

Mentalization-Based Treatment (MBT) offers a practical and transformative approach to understanding and improving our mental states, enhancing relationships, and fostering emotional well-being. It integrates the Reasonable Mind and the Emotional Mind to form the "Wise Mind." My experience shows that Mentalizing is a process of discovering Inner Wisdom. Our integration begins with Mentalizing.


For more information or to book a session, contact Bożena  at


Sophrology a mind-body practice

Sophrology a mind-body practice CORINNE GUION

Corinne Guion is passionate about wellbeing and personal development. Her journey began with philosophy during her A-levels (French Baccalaureat) and led her to explore various practices like Buddhism, life coaching, mindfulness, positive psychology, autogenics, NLP, and sophrology, where she acquired life-changing techniques.

With over 20 years in Consumer Electronics, Corinne held senior roles and learned business coaching techniques. Today, she draws from this experience as a Personal Development Coach and Sophrologist to help clients achieve their goals and dreams.

For more information or to book a session, contact her with details at the bottom on this page.

30 October 2023


Sophrology is a life-balancing technique aiming at an alert mind in a relaxed body.

Sophrology is a holistic therapy using relaxation and breathing techniques, concentration, visualisation, and simple movements. At the crossroads between Western relaxation techniques and Eastern meditation, it is inspired by Yoga Nidra, Buddhist meditation, Japanese Zen, and classical relaxation techniques. It was developed in 1960 in Spain by Prof. Alfonso Caycedo, a neuropsychiatrist.
The word Sophrology means “the study of consciousness in harmony.” It is a healthcare philosophy consisting of very practical physical and mental exercises that can be used by anyone in busy 21st century everyday life with just a few minutes a day.

Sophrology has been a very popular method in continental Europe over the past 60 years where it is used in a large variety of settings: in hospitals settings and medical care in general by doctors, nurses, and mid-wives; in sports, arts, and education; and in companies for teamwork, stress, and burn-out prevention.



  • Breathing exercises
  • Using the breath to enhance your health, both physical and menta
  • Dynamic relaxation
  • Gentle movements, suitable for everyone
  • Guided meditation
  • Following the voice and guidance of the sophrologist for a deeper experience
  • Visualisation
  • Exploring the power of your mind


Sophrology can safely be practiced by everyone, regardless of age and physical abilities. All techniques are adaptable to suit your needs. No special clothing or equipment required. Each session is tailor-made for the client and designed to progressively re-establish balance and harmony in body and mind. The idea is for the client to discover and learn the techniques they need to deal optimally with whatever challenge they are facing.



  • Stress management
  • Anxiety
  • Panic attacks
  • Fatigue
  • Burnout
  • Pain management
  • Sleep problems
  • Depression
  • Common mental health disorders


  • Self-confidence
  • Emotions management
  • Change management
  • Inner resources

Preparing for big event 

  • Exams
  • Speaking in public
  • Pre-natal
  • Sports
  • Competition
  • Stage performance


A consultation to assess the client’s needs. Sophrology exercises guided by the Sophrologist’s voice. Practiced either standing or sitting in a chair, eyes opened or closed, no special clothing or equipment required. Feedback on the exercises and planning for independent practice


Sophrology can also be practiced in a group setting. Groups are usually organised around a common theme, so that clients can meet like-minded people, and learn techniques relevant to their presenting challenge.


Sophrology is flexible and adapts to your needs and this work can be completed in a variety of settings.


You can book face to face appointment with Corinne at the Kensington Counselling Rooms. Corinne also works online, via Zoom. All you need is access to the internet (phone, computer, or laptop), a camera or webcam and a quiet room (ideally!).  You will receive the link to the session ahead of the agreed time, all you need to do is click on it, nothing to download.

For more information or to book a session, contact Corinne at  

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7 tips for navigating the world as a late-diagnosed autistic woman

Being a late-diagnosed autistic woman in a neurotypical world is a journey to say the least. Being able to look back at my life through an autistic lens means there is an explanation for so many of the struggles I have experienced along the way. It allows me to offer myself more kindness and compassion as well as feel a sense of greater acceptance of myself. Furthermore, it means I can now navigate life and my own self-care in a way I could not before I knew I was autistic. Coming to know that you are autistic later in life (as the majority of women do), whether by formal diagnosis, self-diagnosis or exploration around this as an identity can bring up a range of feelings and emotions. As autism presents so differently in women than in men, it is vital to know some of the signs. You can read more about the signs of autism in women at 202104/10-key-signs-autism-in-women However, once you have a diagnosis or identify as autistic, it can often feel like you’re on your own in exploring what this means, how to navigate caring for yourself, advocating for your needs and unmasking (showing more of your true self to the world). In this article, I offer some ways to support yourself in the world as a late-diagnosed autistic woman.

1. Know yourself really well

Who are you really? This may be an incredibly difficult question to answer if you’ve spent your entire life masking and trying fit in with the expected social norms of this society. Taking off your mask is a vulnerable process but getting to know yourself when you’re by yourself can be an easier and less daunting first step. What do you like to do in your free time? What do you like/ dislike? What are your interests? What brings you joy? What makes you excited? What makes you sad? What makes you angry? What makes you anxious? What brings you calm? Who do you like to be around? What does your ideal day look like? Knowing yourself well can help you navigate situations that you find yourself in, or help you decide whether you want to be in them in the first place!

2. Don’t be afraid to put in place accommodations and ask for support

After a lifetime spent masking and pushing through, you may not even be aware of the accommodations or support that you may find helpful. Taking a clear look at the ways you function or what you find difficult in daily life can help you identify where you can bring in assistance and ask for the support of family, friends and colleagues. It could be as simple as letting others know you are overwhelmed and that you need some time for yourself. You could ask family to take over more of the house chores for a while. Or colleagues to respect your need for quiet. Or let your boss know you process information differently and need a bit longer on a project. Putting in place accommodations for yourself can be empowering and give you a sense of control in what often feels like a chaotic world. For me, making sure I do my food shop on a weekday morning has transformed the experience from being an overwhelming one to bearable. I also very rarely leave my house these days without my headphones to listen to music. This helps me remain calm and regulated in stressful and busy environments. It may sound strange after a lifetime of struggling through, but you don’t need to suffer.

3. Indulge your interests and hobbies

Your interests and passions are a powerfully supportive resource in your life. Think of how you feel when you indulge your hobbies and spend time with your interests. You may become aware of a deep sense of peace or calm. You may be able to identify your skills and talents in this process, which can bring about a deeper sense of confidence in yourself.

4. Create a schedule that works for you

As mentioned in point number two, you don’t need to suffer or struggle through. Most 9-5 jobs are not suited to neurodivergent people who need a lot more rest, quiet and downtime than such a work schedule allows. You may realise you need a quiet space to focus and that an afternoon walk in nature or a nap helps you regulate your nervous system. You may find that you can utilise your ability to work alone and focus for long periods - as well as your creativity, passion and interests - to create a business of your own or at least create a good case for flexible working.

5. Learn to say no

Boundaries are essential. You do not need to put yourself in social situations you do not truly wish to be in. Learn how to listen to your clear ‘yes’ when deciding whether to do something, and if you don’t hear it, you do not have to force yourself to please others. Honouring yourself and your needs develops your sense of yourself and, in turn, sends a message to yourself that you are worth taking care of.

6. Surround yourself with as much comfort as possible

As women, we often learn from a young age to forgo comfort for the sake of fitting in and being ‘fashionable’. The sooner you can give up caring what others think and embrace what your body and skin truly likes, the sooner you will be able to drop a whole load of unnecessary tactile stress and better regulate your nervous system. I surround myself with soft blankets, cuddly toys and (fake) sheepskin rugs and wear soft clothing materials and shoes with a comfortable fit.

7. Do not compare yourself to neurotypical women

This is a difficult one but understanding you are autistic can help drop the comparisons. Neurotypical women may seem to be better able to function in this world, however, you never know their own struggles. Dropping the comparisons and learning to like and embrace who you truly are can help you avoid the trap of living a life that society deems you should live, in turn helping you create one that is on your own terms and that feels good from the inside.


For more information or to book a session, contact Meredith at or on Facebook at www.facebook/meredithhusencounsellingforwomen


Counselling for Depression

Everyone feels down sometimes, but for some of us the feeling does not go away and we find it can get worse and have a big impact on our lives. Depression is a mood disorder that lasts for a long time and affects how you feel, think and carry out daily activities, such as sleeping, eating, or working. Depression should be distinguished from sadness, which is a natural emotion felt in situations of failure or loss. Depression often lasts many weeks or even months and is accompanied by other symptoms.

According to the World Health Organization, it is estimated that 5% of adults suffer from the disorder globally. And the incidence of the disorder is increasing everywhere[i]. In any given week in England, 3 in every 100 people will experience depression. Even more – 8 in every 100 – will experience mixed depression and anxiety[ii]. If you are experiencing depression, you are not alone.

The most common symptoms of depression include:

  • low self-esteem
  • lack of self-confidence
  • persistent sadness
  • decreased concentration
  • lack of appetite or disordered eating
  • sleep disturbance
  • loss of interest
  • seeing the future in black
  • suicidal thoughts or actions.

Depression, if left untreated, can have many harmful consequences on a person’s life, including severe relationship and family problems, difficulty finding and holding down a job, and drug and alcohol problems. At its most severe, depression can be life-threatening because it can make one feel suicidal. It’s important to seek support as early as possible, as the sooner you get treatment, the sooner you can recover. The NHS recommends that you should see your GP if you experience symptoms of depression for most of the day, every day, for more than 2 weeks.  their self-assessment test helps you to assess whether one is living with depression -

Counselling is a scientifically proven treatment for depression.

Counselling for depression

If you suspect depression in yourself or a loved one, you can also seek help from a counsellor. Counselling can help you to understand the roots of your depression, reduce the severity of depression symptoms and prevent relapses. The sessions can support you to find your own ways to cope with your depression and suggest different strategies and self-care techniques. The length of counselling in the treatment of depression depends on your individual needs, during the initial consultation the counsellor will determine how serious it is and whether you may need  additional support, such as from a GP or psychiatrist who can prescribe medications.

How to find a counsellor for depression

The first step of reaching out for help can be very difficult, especially if you are currently experiencing depression. Read through some counsellor profiles and send out an email or make a phone call to anyone who interests you to see if you might work together. All counsellors have their own approach, some counsellors offer both online and face to face work, some specialise in depression and others work with many different mental health concerns. Regardless, they will not judge you and they will be honest with you, and you can be honest with them, too.

Can I have counselling when self-harming or feeling suicidal?

Sometimes in depression, life is so challenging that people consider taking their own life or manage their emotional pain through self-harming. It’s important that these issues are discussed in the first session with your counsellor to help to minimise risk and suffering. Some therapeutic clients reported feeling freer to discuss their difficulties with their therapists rather than with their friends or families. Indeed, counsellors and psychotherapists were trained to be able to listen and explore complex subjects that include self-harm and suicide. Experienced counsellors and psychotherapists have worked with people in similar struggles before and will be able to guide and support you.

Can I refer my depressed partner or child to a counsellor?

It is very hard to witness a person we love being depressed, and many of us would do everything we can for their situation to change. Sometimes it’s frustrating when our depressed relatives do not reach out for help, and we want to make sure they do. Whatever the motivation, it’s important that the depressed person personally contacts the counsellor. The majority of therapists will not accept a client referred by someone else, mainly because reaching out for help is an essential step of getting better and feeling pressured by someone else may contradict the counselling for depression. As a person living with someone who struggles, you may consider reaching out for help yourself to a counsellor or a support group for carers.

Please go to our website Kensington Counselling Rooms and contact one of our experienced counsellors, psychotherapists or psychologicsts to see if they can help.


  • [i]
  • [ii]

Finding counselling rooms to rent in London: Home, Hire a Room, Serviced Office, or Lease?

There are many reasons why counsellors, psychotherapists and psychologists move to private practice. Some of us choose it straight away after graduation, some after having a career in the NHS or other organisations. It’s providing a convenient structure that can easily fit around childcare and other life activities while offering financial rewards. when you decide to work in private practice, the first thing you need to do is to find a suitable counselling room and in London, this may prove to be a challenge.

There are four types of counselling room arrangements that London-based practitioners can choose from:
• Working from home
• Hiring a room in a practice
• Renting a serviced office
• Taking own lease for self-contained office.
Each of them offers different benefits, challenges and legal implications to consider.

Providing counselling and psychotherapy from your home

If you have space in your home you may consider turning one of the rooms into a counselling office. This can be a convenient and cost-effective way of arranging your work as you do not need to sign a contract, worry about as many expenses or compromise on design. As with any other counselling rooms, it will require consideration of how to keep the space confidential. The soundproofing must be of a good standard to make sure your neighbours, people who live with or visit you won’t be able to hear. You will also need to make sure that your clients can use a toilet that seems professional and does not contain your personal belongings that may impact the therapeutic relationship.
Another aspect to consider is clients having your private address. It’s important that you consider your safety. Some therapists working from home do not offer the exact address on the website and interview their clients on the phone before inviting them to their homes. Some have reported struggling with separating private and professional life, e.g. a colleague of mine felt concerned that each time her doorbell rang she wondered if this may be a client coming at a different time. There is also the question about working in the same area as where you live as it may prove to be difficult when going to a local gym or having children in the same school as your clients.
Whilst for many working from home is a good option for many, It’s important to consider if your mortgage or rental agreement and planning permission allow you to have a business at the property, whether you need to pay business rates on top of the council tax, and the increases in home insurance, utilities and high-quality internet. . It’s also important to note that you cannot rent out a counselling room to others unless you are set up a business property in terms of planning permissions and business tax rates.
Lastly, if you work from home you may also consider how you make sure you connect with others in our profession. This can be lonely work sometimes and having a professional network can be a great source of support and connection. Perhaps this can be achieved through peer supervision or a volunteer position or finding balance by renting a room in a practice just one day a week.

Renting a therapy room

For many this is the easiest and most cost-effective way to work out of your home. There may be opportunities to connect with other professionals, some may provide CPD events, and your boundaries between private and professional lives are easier to keep. There are many established practices around London, but they vary in quality and price.
Some of the established practices offer a one-month notice and some support with marketing (either a profile on a website or another referral system), both of which we offer at Kensington Counselling Rooms. Some of them are not managed by psychological practitioners and may have different rules regarding a meeting and greeting clients, confidentiality, etc.
The best option would be to go and see a few places to get a sense of what is available. It’s usual that mid-week gets booked much faster than Friday or the weekend, so you may get a better deal or availability nearer the weekend.
Working ad-hoc (when hours can be booked freely) may seem to be a good option as it requires limited commitment, but it also does not offer any guarantee that you will have the same slot each week and offers little holding to the clients. Ad hoc is also usually more expensive. Perhaps consider 3-6 month investment into your first counselling room rental to establish your practice and get your first few clients. It’s normal to feel anxious about getting started, but our experience at Therapport Limited taught us that clients will eventually come and each therapist needs to find their own support in their supervision and develop their own referral strands. For more information about how to market yourself as a therapist, visit my other blog post.
The general rule about renting is that those practices that do not offer formal contracts may do it in order to avoid committing to certain standards or may not have the right to sublet their offices (see below). You should expect a professional therapy practice to have clarity in their agreement and offer professionalism as our clients will feel it too.
Depending on the price, some private practices will have a reception or a waiting area. It would be worth seeing if they have access for wheelchairs, have good policies for diversity (e.g. gender-neutral bathrooms) and most of all if their internet is good and stable. If you know anyone who used that space before, this is a good time to get in touch.

Providing counselling from a serviced office

If you start looking for an office to rent you will be snowed with hundreds of offers for offices to rent in London. The majority of them will be serviced offices. Some prices are confusing and the very low ones may be a quote for hiring just a desk in an office. This is obviously not anything that we would consider in the counselling profession. In the language of serviced office property managers, a counsellor needs a single-person office. The difference between leasing an office (below) and renting a serviced office is that the latter offers some kind of services e.g. reception, internet, fire safety, water machine etc.
When viewing a serviced office counsellors and psychotherapists need to make sure that the feel of the place is suitable for our services. For example, a client may be reluctant to fully engage with counselling and be vulnerable if they know that they will have to walk down a corridor of unrelated offices full of random people.
The majority of serviced offices in London charge VAT on top of the rent, so make sure you add this to the bill. Most probably you will also have to pay business rates and some utilities. Some of them will come furnished and some will require you to decorate your new counselling space.
Sharing serviced office usually offers a legal challenge. It’s not possible to have a right to sublet a single-person office as by nature they are a very small contract for the property owners. So in order to share the room you may either form a company together and give access to the room to all employees or do it without legal basis. Although most of the counsellors choose the latter, it may prove difficult if the landlord realises that the office is used by anyone not included in the lease agreement.

Leasing an office for a private practice

This is the most complex way of creating a therapeutic space and is for those thinking about opening a whole practice rather than just looking for a room to rent for their own private practice. It’s certainly possible to earn some money this way, but you will also need to develop some entrepreneurial and business skills. Searching for a self-contained office you will be faced with a difficult choice of whether to take a place with lower rent but high investment or lower investment and higher rent.
Cheaper offices will require more investment in refurbishment and fitting. Many building companies that work for the building owner do not offer the sound-proofing quality that counselling and psychotherapy businesses require (even though they say they do). When viewing an office you need to be able to imagine this space adapted for counselling. You may need to build or remove walls, add additional doors, improve lighting and ventilation, etc.
I recommend taking a lease for a long time, i.e. not less than 10 years, for counselling and psychotherapy. I know it requires commitment and confidence to take a contract for such a long time, but many of our clients will make a commitment to stay in therapy for many years and we need to create spaces that will support this.
You should consider all costs including lease fee, VAT (if the property was elected for VAT), service charge, business rates, utilities, marketing, etc. It’s recommended that you discuss this move with your accountant and get a lawyer specialising in business properties to assist you with signing the lease.
In terms of the business structure, you may decide to allocate clients to therapists and charge a percentage/fee for each therapy hour as our friends do at the Cambridge Counselling Service or charge per room rental as we do in Kensington and Pimlico. Either way, you will have to give careful consideration to VAT regulations as room rental is VAT exempt only under very specific circumstances (see VAT section 742). To avoid getting registered for VAT you may consider taking a smaller office of 2-3 counselling rooms to rent that will enable you to stay below the current VAT threshold.

Choosing a space can be one of the most important decisions of your life. I hope that this article helped you to clarify different pathways when choosing a counselling room to rent in London. From my experience working with many psychotherapists at this stage of their career, I believe that private practice is a viable choice that starts with renting a suitable counselling room. How exciting!

Counselling for Anxiety

All people experience anxiety at different times in our lives, whether about making a big decision, dealing with an unexpected event or being exposed to a threatening situation. Whilst unpleasant to experience, anxiety is a normal emotion and can even be useful at times. Like other emotional experiences, it can give us information about how we feel about what is happening in our lives. But what happens when we can’t sort out the feelings around our anxiety? What if our anxiety seems irrational or overwhelming? What if our anxiety becomes unmanageable and starts to impact our quality of life? If this is happening to you, it may be a good time to seek out a therapist and get counselling for your anxiety.

What is anxiety?

Anxiety is normal response to a dangerous or stressful situation and should pass when the situation passes. Many people experience racing thoughts, trouble sleeping, irritability and trouble concentrating when feeling anxious. There can also be many physical symptoms of anxiety, such as racing heart, butterflies in the stomach, needing the toilet more often, chest or stomach muscles tightening or feeling sick or dizzy. Sometimes these symptoms come quickly and unexpectedly and seem to peak within 10 minutes or so, and this may be a panic attack. Panic attacks can be very frightening and sometimes push people to seek urgent medical care, but they soon find out these symptoms are not due to a physical ailment. Many clients come to counselling after they were instructed by a medical professional that their symptoms cannot be explained medically.

There are many different types of anxiety. Phobias, for example, are when a specific situation that is not actually dangerous triggers intense feelings of anxiety as if it were very threatening. Generalised anxiety, on the other hand, is characterised by a persistent sense of doom or dread, frequent worry and fearfulness, and often recurrent physical symptoms as described above. There are also many other specific forms of anxiety, such as social anxiety, death anxiety, health anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), for example.

When should I get counselling for anxiety?

If these anxious feelings do not pass when the situation passes, or if the triggering situation is on-going for a long time (such as a chronic medical condition, for example), and it is persistent or overwhelming it can have a big impact on your life. It can affect your relationships, your work, your self-esteem, and your overall sense of well-being. Your physical health can also be impacted if you are losing sleep or experiencing too much stress. If you feel that anxiety is having a big impact on your life, isn’t going away and you’re feeling overwhelmed, it might be a good time to seek help.

How can counselling help anxiety?

Counselling can help you to understand your anxiety as well as develop ways of addressing and managing it. With a therapist, you can explore how the anxiety is affecting your life, what the triggers are and what the root causes might be. Noticing that something triggers anxious feelings can provide an opportunity to explore what that something really means to us and encourage us to assess our resources, opportunities, and vulnerabilities, and possibly help us discover and process unresolved feelings from past experiences. As with any counselling, a therapist will work with you as an individual, collaborating with you to find what works best for you.

From the beginning of the counselling we may focus on finding ways to deal with acute anxiety using breathing and grounding techniques. Later on, the therapeutic process focuses on what is behind the anxiety. In the anxiety counselling, you will explore your current triggers and past experiences that led to having anxieties in your life.

How do I find a therapist to help with anxiety? 

Whilst many therapists work with anxiety issues, there are many different approaches to counselling for anxiety and you can find a therapist that works in a way that suits you, depending on your needs and what feels right for you. For example, some people find CBT helpful, where you focus on understanding the way your thought and behaviour patterns contribute to your anxiety and develop specific, often practical, strategies to address it. Others find a relationally-focused approach suits them, where building a strong, healthy relationship with therapist is central and allows you to explore how you relate to others. Another approach is to explore existential questions around life and death and focus on developing your own sense of meaning and purpose to ground you in an uncertain world. If you prefer to approach your anxiety from the perspective of your body you may choose Gestalt therapy, Dance and Movement Therapy or other body therapies. Yet another approach might be to focus on processing unresolved past experiences and healing emotional wounds so that you can move forward with less anxiety about the present and future (see our blog in psychoanalytic approach). Although many therapists providing counselling for anxiety work from a specific framework, most will adapt to work addresses the areas on which you want to focus. You can and should ask a therapist about their approach and see if what they say makes sense to you and feels right, even if you’re not sure exactly what you want or need.

Do take a look around our practices in Pimlico or Kensington  and if you have any questions or would like any more information do get in contact with our practitioners.

What is cognitive behavioural hypnotherapy and how can it help?

You may have heard of cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT); a foundation of modern psychological therapy which empowers you to tackle unhelpful thinking and improve your wellbeing, and you’ve probably heard of hypnotherapy too. But what about cognitive behavioural hypnotherapy (CBH). CBH combines CBT with hypnosis; bringing these powerful disciplines together to equip you with the tools you need to tackle a wide variety of challenges in your life. This twin approach helps you to achieve change at the very deepest levels and can equip you with skills that will help you to manage challenges throughout your life.

How does cognitive behavioural hypnotherapy work?

Cognitive behavioural hypnotherapy is the main evidence-based approach to hypnosis. Rather than focusing on the notion of hypnotic trance, CBH places the emphasis on psychological factors like imagination, suggestion and expectation. Your brain is an incredibly powerful tool and can be your greatest attribute or your biggest enemy. Sometimes your mind shapes your thoughts and behaviours in ways which can be unhelpful, and the reinforcement of these loops can be damaging and cause ongoing psychological issues such as stress, anxiety, depression, phobias, and low self-esteem. CBH uses the power of your mind for positive change and empowers you to find the solutions to the challenges you face by enabling you to be fully aware of the link between your thoughts, feelings and behaviours. It works on the conscious and subconscious and helps you make positive decisions at a deep, unconscious level. This means you can make sustainable changes to the way you think, feel and behave by converting unhelpful, negative beliefs and thoughts into positive and empowering ones. Hypnotherapy works by allowing you to be focused for periods of time on the thoughts and experiences you’d like to be having. It brings your conscious mind and subconscious mind more closely in sync so that you can make truly meaningful change. By placing you into a deep state of relaxation, we will work together to help your mind absorb new information so that you can develop the tools you need to make positive changes. By relaxing, thinking positively and picturing your goals, hypnosis can help you to progressively adjust habitual feelings and behaviours. Studies have shown that using hypnotherapy alongside CBT can increase the success of treatment by as much as 70%.

What does a CBH session look like?

Effective CBH relies on close collaborative working between the therapist and client and gaining a clear understanding of your unique challenges is a crucial first step. The key to the success of hypnotherapy lies in your ability to understand the interaction between your thoughts, feelings and behaviours and this makes it hugely important that you share as much information as possible. We’ll talk about any specific challenges you face and how your life is affected by these. This will help us to establish your goals and design a treatment plan together so that we can measure your progress against this as we move forward. We’ll then set about embracing this extremely powerful tool to help you take control and make real and sustained changes in your life. Through CBH, you will become more aware of your emotions and behaviours so that we can tackle the ones you feel are most unhelpful to you or are holding you back in your personal life. The number of sessions you need will depend on you and your situation. Some people get what they need after just a couple of sessions, while others need more. In between sessions you may need to complete tasks at home. This may include self-hypnosis techniques to help you to continue to benefit from the treatment.

How can cognitive behavioural hypnotherapy help me?

This powerful technique can be used to great effect for:
  • Treating anxiety and depression
  • Improving self esteem
  • Become more assertive
  • Managing stress
  • Stopping smoking
  • Tackling fears and phobias
  • Changing habits
Though CBH is extremely effective in targeting the specific challenges listed above, many people find that the awareness they are able to develop during this treatment gives them skills they go on to use for the rest of their life; helping them to build their resilience and bolster their mental wellbeing.

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing – EMDR in West London

Our psychotherapists offer EMDR in West London, a treatment that was proven by research and welcomed by clients suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder. This page introduces EMDR and offers a list of psychotherapists trained and equipped to offer it.

What is EMDR?

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a psychotherapeutic treatment discovered in 1989 by the American psychologist Francine Shapiro used to relieve the stress associated to traumatic memories. Over the year it has received enormous clinical support from psychotherapists, mental health researchers, neurophysiologists, and today it is considered the evidence-based treatment for PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), validated by more researches and publications than any other psychotherapy in the field of trauma.

It is approved, among others, by the American Psychological Association (1998-2002), by the American Psychiatric Association (2004), by the International Society for Traumatic Stress Studies (2010) and by the World Health Organization (2013).

Out therapists offer EMDR in West London due to its speed of intervention, its effectiveness and the possibility of application to people of any age, including children


We are exposed daily to the possibility of experiencing psychological trauma. There are Traumas that can be defined "with a capital T": they are important wounds that threaten our integrity, such as natural disasters, road accidents, assaults, rapes, murders or suicides of loved ones, inauspicious diagnoses.

But there are also traumas "with a lowercase t”, experiences that seem objectively less relevant, but which can take on a weight of their own especially if repeated over time or suffered at times of particular vulnerability or in childhood. In these phases of life, humiliations, abandonments, neglect and fears can leave their mark by changing our attitudes, emotions and relationships with others throughout life, and also impressing themselves on specific areas of our brain.

Psychological consequences

Thanks to their resources and the help of others, the majority of traumatised people manage to recover a new balance, but there are wounds that continue to bleed even after years. In the case of trauma with capital T, people can react with "fear, sense of vulnerability and horror", according to the definition provided by the Statistical Diagnostic Manual of Mental Disorders DSM-5 drawn up by the American Psychiatric Association when describing PTSD. The trauma in these cases is always present, the sensations are alive, and it feels like that the event just happened even if it dates back to months or years ago. The psychological suffering of trauma with a lowercase t can be less impactful but equally disabling. Sensations of insecurity, lack of self-esteem, self-blame, panic attacks and anxieties are the most frequent aftermath.

Effectiveness and therapeutic results

EMDR is a patient-centred approach that allows the therapist to facilitate the mobilisation of his self-healing mechanism by stimulating an innate information processing system in one’s brain. In fact, the eye stimulation used in the EMDR treatment favours better communication between the cerebral hemispheres, relying on a natural neurophysiological process, similar to that which occurs in REM sleep, the phase of sleep in which dreams are dreamed and memories reorganised. The EMDR methodology recognises the physiological component of emotional difficulties and directly addresses these physical sensations, along with negative beliefs, negative emotional states and other disturbing symptoms.

The EMDR session - the model used for EMDR in West London

Initially, a psychotherapist collects the person's history, identifying together the events that helped develop the problem: panic attacks, anxieties, phobias. Using a structured protocol, the psychotherapist guides the person in the description of the event or dysfunctional aspect, helping one to choose the important disturbing elements.

The psychotherapist helps the processing through guided eye movements, or other bilateral stimulation of the cerebral hemispheres, and helps the person relive those memories and important elements.

EMDR is a powerful tool that the psychotherapist and the person being helped decide together to apply inside a therapeutic path. Our West London psychotherapists apply the validated "triple approach" of EMDR, which addresses:

  1. past experiences,
  2. the current causes of stress,
  3. the thoughts and actions desired for the future.

The duration of treatment with EMDR is linked to the type of problem, the circumstances of life and the extent of past trauma. The programmes of EMDR in West London offer an average of 3-6 sessions per EMDR cycle. Early-in-life traumas or multiple traumas usually require repeated EMDR cycles.

The effects of EMDR

In the words of Dr. Shapiro, EMDR treatment is linked to a reduction in symptoms, a change in the person's negative beliefs towards new positive ones, and the prospect of optimal functionality.

After EMDR, we still remember the event, but we feel that all this is part of the past, intrusive thoughts fade or disappear, emotions and physical sensations are reduced in intensity.

Following an EMDR psychotherapy, the person strengthens the aspects of one self-esteem, is more focused on the here and now and on the sense of self, has more confidence in one’s abilities and one’s value as a person. The traumatic events thus lose the initial emotional impact to be transformed into a positive resource.

Below is the list of psychotherapists offering EMDR in West London

Emily Cavendish

UKCP Registered Psychotherapist

Working on Tuesdays, Thursdays
Phone: 07766140325

Fedra Feizi

BACP Registered Psychotherapist

Working on Mondays
Phone: 07716784090